Christmas Threat by Domino and Dash,mini & toy poodles respectively

Dogs don’t really care about Christmas.  It’s just another day for us, although we try to pretend that it’s special, kind of like the way Jews do.  Not that we don’t enjoy the festivities--who doesn’t want another ham-infused nylabone?  (Would grandmother say, ‘Stop, no more cashmere’?)

But why must Christmas make humans fly their freak flags around dogs?  Otherwise tasteful people suddenly think we pups look better in red and green harlequin collars or sweaters saying Santa knows we’ve been naughty.  And must our every step be announced by the bells you’ve decided are our seasonal accessory?  Please don’t take away the one clear advantage we dogs have over you: we get to run around naked like you know you want to.

Besides the indignities of dress up, the rest of the holiday is quite fun: the mayhem, the markedly improved quality of food scraps, the extra laps to nuzzle in for ongoing scratches.  All good.

So with Christmas just around the corner, may we take this moment to remind our humans that when you are all together this week, try to include us pups, and not just as that one family member with a mock-me target on his back?

Just remember that we’ve seen you steal your sister’s sweater, ‘borrow’ money from your mother’s wallet, and read your friend’s diary after you excavated it from its hiding place in the back of her closet.  We may not be able to tell this to anyone, but if there’s even a sniff of a miniature elf hat around us this year, be prepared to see your secrets every time you look into our big, adorable eyes that are watching, always watching, you.

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