One Good Thing about Leona Helmsley by Domino the mini poodle

                                                                      Domino

Mother’s not looking so hot these days.  Fact is, she’s not getting any younger. Who knows what would happen to my brother Dash and me if she kicked the bucket?  This may sound harsh, but I have to be practical.  What fate awaits two orphaned poodles without a trust fund?

I know Mother left money in her will for her beloved dog Daisy, when Daisy was still alive. Let’s hope she’s done the same for us.  Even today there are hints of what the future could hold in store if we’re not protected.  For example, though I’m still on the sunny side of six, I suddenly have shooting pains in my feet that must be the first signs of a crippling form of progressive arthritis.  I could deteriorate quickly.  True, right before this pain began, Mother used tweezers to remove sharp prickles from the pads of my paws that left my feet swollen and tender, but whatever.  Who cares what caused the pain?  Let’s stay on point here.

There’s simply no tasteful way to broach this topic with Mother.  Perhaps as a little nudge, I’ll use Leona Helmsley’s obituary that Mother found so amusing she saved.  I remember her delight (and mine) when she read that Leona left twelve million dollars to Trouble, her adorable maltese dog.  That’s how I first discovered that Daisy had a trust fund.  This would have been the perfect moment to find out about our inheritance, but instead, I had to fight the rising wave of nausea raging through me when I heard Daisy’s name mentioned yet again for the millionth time.

I’m assuming that we’ll get the same amount as Daisy, although didn’t Trouble wind up in her own condo with an ocean view in Florida?  Of course that’s crazy; don’t be ridiculous. Mother doesn’t have that kind of money.  Besides, I’m not that spoiled or picky; garden views are also nice.

I hope this never becomes an issue; I love Mother and want to live happily with her until my final days if that’s possible. But if it’s not, she has to set the rules straight now or we’ll wind up in poodle purgatory. And although I’m sure my brother Dash and I will be expected to split our inheritance equally, it would be nice to avoid those nasty will related sibling “discussions.”  I just know he’ll try to dip into my half and blame it on being bad in math.

If Mother could only clarify this subject now, I wouldn’t have to try to work out all these details by myself.  I can’t rely on help from Dash.  All he wants to do is play ball and hunt for low-lying hors d’oeuvres. That’s a good day for him (doesn’t take much).  

Speaking for myself, I’ve got Trouble on my mind, with a capital ‘T’ and that rhymes with ‘D’ and that stands for Dash (and the mess he'll get us into if I don't take charge).  Playful spoofs of “The Music Man” aside, if I have any say about my future well being, Trouble and I will have a lot more in common than the lyrics from this musical. 

Now if I can only convince Mother that despite Leona being, well, herself, she had enormous foresight when she understood that nobody, but nobody goes looking after Trouble if they don’t have to. 

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